I've been thinking a lot lately about my future. Where should I go when I'm done with school? What should I do? A lot of people who know me will probably think this is crazy, but I've been having this urge to become a priest in the Episcopal Church. (for obvious reasons I can't become one in the Catholic Church...). In some ways this makes such perfect sense for me; it would be a way for me to put a lot of the things I'm passionate about together--God, studying religion, music, people, working with children, even travel and environmentalism--these could all be worked into a vocation. And priesthood would give me something to do with my degree of practical use--something that doesn't involve being in a classroom all day and writing obtuse articles about the Being and Nature of God that even I don't understand.

But on the other hand, would I really be able to be a good priest? What makes me think that I have anything helpful to say or teach to a congregation? What makes me worthy to lead a church? And shouldn't priesthood be a calling? How do I know if God is calling me for sure? And I'm pretty sure that no one I know can see me as a minister....

Eh. This is too much introspection for 2AM. I should probably go to bed now so that I can actually be awake for tomorrow. Goodnight world!

It's spring! Maybe it's because of that fact I have the urge to start cleaning out my life, both physically and mentally. The problem is, I'm too lazy. My goal for this weekend is to pack up all my sweaters and put summer clothes in my drawers, as well as putting away laundry and unpacking from my recent trip to NC. But I look at the suitcase open on the floor, and the clothes piled on my futon, and all the laundry that I have to do, and the whole thing seems so daunting. It's much easier to lie on my bed and watch episodes of "The L Word" or read whatever mindless fiction books I can find that I haven't read yet (not an easy task when you live in a dorm room...I'm used to having whole walls of books to choose from!).

That same laziness unfortunately applies to other aspects of my life as well. Maybe, it's not so much of a laziness as a fear of exertion, or an uneasiness about doing something that's hard. There are so many things that I should be doing, but I can't bring myself to actually get up off of my butt and do them. Instead, I sit here feeling mildly guilty and telling myself that it's okay, that I'm still a good person, no matter what mistakes I've made in how I've handled events in my recent life. I can't help feeling as if I'm avoiding accountability just a little bit.

On a completely unrelated note, it seems so strange that the year is already winding down to a close. We're getting to that frantic part of the year, where things just seem to keep going faster and faster like a giant snowball, and it's all I can do to keep up. I have at least one major paper due every week for the rest of the year, plus two scenes for my Shakespeare class, and assorted tests. But I like it--it keeps me busy. And, after all, I did bring this upon myself. And it's not going to get any easier; a future of 16 credit semesters stretches ahead of me. But despite my grumbling, I really do love college. And I love learning and I love religion, and I can even get excited about most of these papers, once I actually stop procrastinating and start doing them.

And now for the real purpose of this entry: free writing. I have to go to my professor/adviser with ideas for my final paper in Contemporary Relgious Thought tomorrow. For some reason, he's convinced that I'm smart, and I don't like to disabuse him...which means that I work my ass off in that class and hope that the results are at least mediocre. So, I need to come up with a topic and my ideas don't quite go together. Let's see if I can make a little bit of sense out of my jumbled ideas...

Logos Theology and Environmentally Sustainable Models of God (can you tell I'm a religion and environmental studies major??):
Logos theology is the idea of the Word of God incarnate in Jesus, or Christ. According to Scripture, the Word was present at Creation. Indeed, it was what created, in a way--everything was made through the Word, at least according to some readings of the Gospel of John. It seems to me as if this line of thought could lead to a type of panentheism...where God (or his Word) are incarnate in all of Creation.
Daniel Boyarin, a speaker who came to do a series of lectures a few weeks ago, talked about the historical existence or need for two Divine figures. Similar to Christianity with its trinitarian views, there was one transcendent God, and one more imminant God that ordinary people could relate to. Similar to Logos theology, where the Word acts as a second God, Sophia (Wisdom) and Enoch are other examples of "second" Gods. The more transcendent a religion's idea of God, the more this second figure was needed to help people identify with the Divine. What implications would this have for an environmental theology? Sallie McFague talks about God being purely imminant and the Earth being the body of God. Does this eliminate any need for the personal Messiah, since God is already purely present in this model? Or, are there still two Divine figures, only in this case, the imminant Godhead takes the form of the entirety of Creation?
Are either of these valid paper topics at all, or have I just been hearing about this stuff way too much and am making connections that don't exist?